Sometimes I get concerned that people will misunderstand my body language. I am one of those people that loves to chat with EVERYONE..you all know that about me. I truly care, and want to get to know people better, understand them, etc. I just really love people!
With this in mind, I want to explain something. My challenge for the last 5 years has been the constant vertigo and faintness. I do not feel sorry for myself, and I am not using this as a format to whine..lol I just want to explain. I feel like I am falling a lot of the time. It is such a weird and unpleasant experience, and I am sort of doing battle with it off and on, all the time. Sometimes it is not bad at a ll, and sometimes I feel like I am going to faint. I have not found the reason for it, although I have gone to many doctors, had many tests, etc. The one thing that they have found is cervical vertigo--dizziness coming fromt he neck. After all is said and done, I am still battling it. One of the things I find I do is sit or stand with my arms crossed. To some people, this body language can mean boredom, disinterest..but in my case, it means NOTHING..nothing in my attitude, that is. I cross my arms because it seems to pull my neck in such a way that it relieves some of the pain and helps a tiny bit with the dizzy feeling. Another thing I find I do, that I did not used to do, is have trouble maintaining eye contact for very long. This is because sometimes it feels like my eyes are wobbling in their sockets because of the dizzy thing. Weird, right?? but true! Also, if I feel really bad, I have tended to cut a conversation short to get out of a room. I do apoligize if I have done this to you, without explanation. I do not mean to be rude, and I DO care about what you are talking to me about. But, sometimes the faint thing hits hard, and I HAVE to get out and get fresh air.
The flushing...the beet red face. Well, I have had that issue for years, but it is getting worse! I get hot flashes that are different from the norm. I flush so bad I start to get hives. It has NO reflection on my heart's attitude. I am not embarrassed. I do not feel uncomfortable (attitude wise)..I AM ok...lol I just cannot control it. So, I am the red faced girl! You will see me fanning myself when NO one else is hot...all part of the deal.
The blood sugar thing. I get drops in the blood sugar, sometimes severe. When this happens, at its worst, I panic. The panic is a physical thing. If you see me popping glucose tabs, or eating candy spastically, this is why. It will pass...
So, why do I say all this? I just want you to know that I care about you. Deeply. My body hasn't been cooperating, but my heart and my soul cares for you deeply. I think about, and pray about, my friends and family all the time. I want to spend time with you! My world had gotten small in the past few years, since the symptoms . It has kept me from participating in some things, it stopped me from babysitting--the boundaries have been tight. But here is the good news. God placed some boundaries around me, and He did this lovingly. I do not understand the why of it all, but I know for a fact that the physical challenges are a temporary condition. God has a new body for me someday. Until that time--please be patient with me. I want to see my friends that I haven't seen, and I want to meet new people. I want to be with you all, hanging out, enjoying the good company. Slowly but surely I am finding new ways to accomplish this, always with a back door in case the dizziness flares. I LOVE my new job as church office assistant! It gives me even more avenues to touch base with people, to get to know them better etc. I thank the Lord constantly for this amazing opportunity!
So, I thank you for your patience, for your support, and your prayers. I thank you for reading this, and for understanding! Do not think you need to leave me alone, or not "bother" me - it is just the opposite! I want to be in your lives! My heart is full! I have so much to be thankful for...
Love-Val
Wow, God placed this boundary on you? I can not think of a time when God placed boundaries on a person. Can you help me out with that?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous--
ReplyDeleteAlthough I used the word boundary, I did not mean to say that Scripture uses the word boundary. What I meant is that I face trials, persecutions, grief, sufferings..not just me, of course, but all people. As a believer, I trust that the Lord allows these things to produce fruit, refinement, testing of my faith, growth, and to keep me humble-Scripture tells me this is so. I will stick to Scripture for my response, as that is the only true authority:
"7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
-2 Cor. 12:7-10
" 3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."1 Peter 1:3-9
" 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."James 1:2-12
This is what I meant, and this says it better than just my own words. I purpose to be thankful in all circumstances, and I only can do this with God's help. He is good, all the time! I am truly blessed!