REFLECTIONS.....

Reflections on a year in my life....conflicting emotions, all intertwined and tangled!  So much joy, but also sorrow.  As everyone else, and as every other year.  Some of it was brand new to me though, and it is these things that stand out in my mind.
I started the year with the news that I was to become a grandmother!  Most amazing news, and it took many months to feel real!  It really took hold when the kids came to visit in the summertime, and I could SEE the baby's presence in person, in Mary's belly, albiet 2 1/2 months from his actual arrival.  Another highlight was seeing my son Michael graduate from the Ocean County Police Academy.  Watching one of his pursuits come to fruition was amazing!  He worked so hard, was so disciplined, so committed.  What a joy he is to me! Another joy was seeing Shayna graduate from Rutgers U with honors. Kate began dating Andrew, and we got to get to know him better, and his family, and we love them all!  That is also a highlight.  Nick continued his seminary classes, struggling with lack of sleep..we are very blessed by his endeavors, but watching him be so tired, working full time, and seminary full time, has been hard.  He is doing a wonderful job though.  Kate has continued her grad school, and working at ICPH, and also burns the candle at both ends.  So proud of that girl!  Nicole, Michael's girlfriend, has continued to work with the 5 year olds, and has also started taking classes at OCC.  She and Michael are the last ones living home with their families, and they have been very encouraging, and much fun and comfort to me.  Craig and I love hanging out with her parents also, and we have had some especially fun times in the past few months.  Christopher and Mary became parents, and were blessed to learn a brand new kind of love!  And then of course, there is little Ethan, the sunshine and joy of our lives these days!  What a blessing he is to us, in his 3 1/2 months in this world!  But with all this said, I have only mentioned how others' experiences and accomplishments have blessed me.  And they have, they definitely have. My hardest challenge is to separate myself from my loved ones, and look specifically at myself, and really take stock of where I stand, as an individual.  I am in the Lord's care for sure, and that has been my source of comfort, especially during some very rough patches.  It is so hard to let go of things and people, and give them to God fully.  How often I try to grab them back, and cling, but the Lord constantly reminds me that He has my best interest at heart, and that He will give me what I need...and He knows best what I need, much better than I ever know.  I have tried fighting with Him this year a little bit, not accepting some of His answers, but I am thankful to say He never let's me go on too long being lost in my own wants and demands. How painful the pruning can be!  But at this point in my life, at almost 50 years old, I am well aware that pruning is necessary, and not a bad thing...not a bad thing at all!  But it hurts. It is in these times when I see the Lord clearest.  He makes Himself plainly seen, and He whispers my name, and calls me back to the shelter of His wing.  I am so grateful.
So with all that said, I will gather myself up and look ahead to 2013 with anticipation.  I know the blessings of my faith will always outweigh the disappointments.  This temporary pain is but a flicker.  I am a transparent person, as anyone who reads my musings can attest to...I do not mind opening my heart for all to see--for me that is therapeutic.  No one but God knows what I withhold.  For what I do share, though, I hope it makes a difference.  I hate the thought of anyone feeling alone in their pain. This is a motivating factor behind what I say and do every single day.  Not everyone is like me, in fact, few are.  But I don't mind.  If even one person can feel encouraged by feeling like they are NOT the only one that feels a certain way, then I feel like I have done something worthwhile.  I am always watching those who walk ahead of me on this path of life. I search out their wisdom, and I listen for their regret, so I can learn, learn, learn!  Some dear ones have come up along side me this year, and have literally been strength for me at some times of deep sadness, listening to my heartaches, and rejoicing with me in my joys...God's provision is so amazing! And in my experience with Him, and His provision, is what makes me smile at the future.  I KNOW He has it in His capable hands. What a relief!
So, as I look towards 2013, I plan on taking it one step at a time.  Big chunks get me anxious, because I know there are some hard things coming up, but I pray that daily I can be committed to my God, loving to my husband and children, sensitive and supportive to my friends, brave and strong in the face of trials, a blessing to others, aware of the poor and a servant to them, a comfort to the suffering, humble, and practicing instant forgiveness every day with all those I come in contact with, , as I pray others do for me...
Happy New Year to everyone!  Blessings to all of you!