GonnaBeAGramma

I am pondering what it means to be a gramma..or grammie...or nana, or whomever I turn out to be according to this soon-to-be-born miracle.  I don't know from experience what a gramma relationship is like.  I didn't know 3 out of 4 of my grandparents, and the one grandma I knew somewhat, lived far away.  I have a few memories that are sweet:  I remember that she always smelled good.  I remember that she would look through her purse, and give you things.  I have a silver compact that she fished out one time, and I admired...so she gave it to me. She used to call me "sweet pea" and that is the only nickname I ever really had--and only she said it, and I kind of liked that.  Even though we didn't know each other very well, that way she said "sweet pea" with her Texan accent made me feel special.  I do not have much of a memory from when I was little and visited her, but I do remember the last visit I had with her.  That was the time she gave me the compact.  I was in Texas, visiting my mom, with Christopher, when he was only 5 months old. 

Christopher was a pleasant, laid back sort of baby, who never cried, and was always full of smiles. I thought he was was the most amazing baby in the world, my mom thought he was even more amazing, but my grandmother behaved as if no other baby ever born was that special!  At that point, she really didn't know me, but her words, and her attitude towards my baby, and me, made me feel treasured.  It was a precious moment that I love pondering.  

I met my mom's dad, my only grandfather, one time only.  He and my grandmother had been divorced for decades, and he had never met me (as far as I know).  I was 26, was visiting at my mom's home, with an 11 month old Kate.  The two boys were home in NJ with Craig.  

 

Upon arriving at my mom's with Kate, I had discovered that I was pregnant, much to my surprise, with Michael.  My grandfather came over for a visit one day while my mom was at work, to meet me.  Katy and I were able to spend all afternoon with him, getting to know him some, and letting him spend time with my little baby girl. I have always been so grateful for that. 

But still, I have never experienced the actual relationship between grandparent and grandchild, more specifically, gramma to grandchild.  I always ached for it.  I definitely grabbed hold of Craig's grandparents and made them my own, and they welcomed it, but I still do not know the feeling of growing up with that bond.  Craig certainly does.  He has been close to all 4 grandparents, as well as GREAT grandparents.  For many people around me, that is the norm.  And yet for me, it remains a mystery...

So, I stand here on the threshold of becoming a gramma, with no reference point.  The good news is, I have dreamed of this since I gave birth to my own children!  I am still astonished that this dream is coming true!  I do not know this little one that resides within my sweet daughter-in-law's belly, but I cherish him or her already! 

I am certain that no other baby has ever been so beautiful, so smart, so amazing!  I imagine special times just between us, gramma and grandbaby.  I imagine inside jokes, our own little rituals...our own language.  Nothing will keep me from knowing this baby as much as possible....I cannot wait for the opportunity!  I will have to be creative, because this first treasure lives far away.  I am determined not to let my heart break about it, although it does hurt a little...or a lot!!  The understanding looks, hugs, and tears with the other grammas in my life whose grandbabies live far away, is enough.  God sends the soothing balm when needed, and I count my blessings.  

When I let myself imagine the moment I meet this child I feel like my heart will burst...I almost cannot contain the joy!  And I know the pondering cannot compare to the reality.  Can your heart burst from joy???  I am thinking only in the best of ways....