21 years ago, I gave birth to an 8 pound 7 ounce beautiful baby boy. He was my fourth child. During the course of my pregnancy, I had started having horrible bouts of high blood pressure, and some sort of intense panic attack type episodes. I had thought for a while that it was hormonal, that I was somehow out of sorts as my last two children were so close together. It increased in intensity as I approached the second half of the pregnancy, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that something was seriously wrong. I was told by doctors that it was a blood sugar problem..or stress...or that it was in my mind. I was told many things, but I knew in my heart that those doctors were wrong. The attacks increased as I got nearer to my due date, and yet I was no closer to an answer. When I gave birth to Michael, I was blessed to not have any attacks during the labor itself. On the 2nd day after he was born, I suddenly had intense pain in my head, and very high blood pressure. This began the nightmare of hospital visits, tests, doctors, specialists. No one could figure out what was wrong. The attacks continued. In the middle of one of these attacks, it felt like I was going to die. It was a nightmare I could not wake up from. It took an entire year after Michael was born to get a diagnosis, and the life-saving surgery to remove a tumor and my right adrenal gland. The tumor itself was producing chemicals spontaneously, causing all of my symptoms. My happiness in the midst of this terrible time was the boy the Lord gave me to care for. Along with his two brothers and sister, Michael needed my attention, my affection, my care. My children, specifically my helpless newborn, gave me such purpose to get through each and every challenging day, and helped to turn my sorrow into joy upon joy. I found out later that I was in a battle of life and death when I was pregnant and delivering a baby, while the tumor inside me was exploding with adrenaline, and flooding my body. I survived miraculously... God spared me, and allowed me to mother my children for 26 years now...I am grateful beyond words! Michael also became my one and only child with anaphylactic food allergies. So many times we could have lost him, both when I was pregnant with him, and after he was born...and yet he lived--my boy who lived. And that boy, and his frailties and needs, helped to keep my alive, and functioning, and determined! My other three children were so patient, and so supportive. They were understanding and comforting throughout. Not to mention my husband, who cared for all of us!
Many people have said to me that having a newborn when I was so sick had to be the worst timing of all. It might seem that way, but it isn't true....it was God's perfect timing, and a gift beyond measure. My baby boy made me stronger, braver, more tolerant, more thankful. I am so thankful for my family, which has pretty much doubled since way back then! So thankful for this boy who lived, who helped me be the girl who lived. My cup runneth over...
:')
ReplyDelete