About my age....

So, my husband is fifty.  The big 5-0!  In a year and a half, that will be me!  How do I feel about that? Well, I am always a little shocked when I look in the mirror and realize I am not 30 anymore.  It is a huge surprise, constantly, that my image does not match the way I think inside my head.  But, this part of my life is so amazing, that I wouldn't change a thing!  I am going to be a gramma at 49, which feels young in my mind.  The truth is, it just doesn't matter to me very much. I have a friend who, in the voice of Abileene (from The Help), says that I should tell myself, in regards to being a gramma, "You is YOUUUUNG...you is HIPPPPP....you is COOOOL".  Now, this makes me laugh and laugh, but the truth is, I am none of the above!  And I don't really care, which is the best part!  There is something so freeing about embracing my age, like, a giant relief--a breath of fresh air!  These are exciting times!  I don't feel the need to fight the reality of it.  My hair is gray, and I think I may be shorter now!  The part that bothers me is the ache and pain of it! But, it comes with the territory. A reality check.  A reminder that this body has journeyed along more than just a decade or two..or three...OR FOUR!
What I would consider a tragedy in my life is to be so preoccupied with myself that I could miss the precious moments that are happening all around me. I want to live outside my thoughts, and I want to live out loud.  I want to have fun, and I want to spend time with my family. And don't even get me started on that precious little sweet pea of a baby residing within our California girl.  She is expecting..and I am EXPECTANT!  I never had a close relationship with a grandparent, ever, in my whole life. Oh yes, I am expectant!  Expectant means:  Having or showing an excited feeling that something is about to happen, esp. something pleasant and interesting. It is this, to the 10th power!! 
Yes, I will take the big 4-9 (in June), because along with it comes amazing things!  I find it very fulfilling to watch my kids live out their hopes and dreams...I love helping them along the way.  I know I am more than  a mom, and future grandmom.  I know I am more than a wife. But, I am very happy and fulfilled being these things.  Content.  It is the life God gave me.  I plan on doing my best to embrace it all.  Fighting it is exhausting!! I trust  God to give me what I need, and I am doing my best to take care of what He has given to me.  I am good with that...
now, where are my sensible shoes?  My feet hurt!  HA HA